The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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