You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
