On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
