in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
