the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
