C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
