Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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