I didn't shave. On purpose
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
