Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
