I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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