Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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