He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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