You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
