hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
