This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
