I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
