just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
