It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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