the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just pee around me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
