She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
