I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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