Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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