I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
