Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
