Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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