Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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