He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
