She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
