I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
