it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
