please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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