Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
