my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
