you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think i got beer on your cat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
