I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
