I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
