she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
