I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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