I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
