was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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