Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
