Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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