How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
