The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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