I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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