the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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