i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
