You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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