I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
