Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
