I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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