did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
