He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
