remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
