i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
